The end ... and the ones that never made it

I know my blog ended rather abruptly, and well that's just life, it can all change or end in an instant. Truth be told the last couple of months have been some of the hardest of my life, so much has happened that I am sure you will be challenged to find an average person who has had as much happen in a short time frame. I am not one to willow in my own self pity, and as the champion of change and the queen of pick yourself on and move forward sometimes even I struggle with one foot in front of the other. But I have done that, I have soldiered through, and I am working on healing me.

While there are somethings I simply wont discuss, there are others I am more open about and there are some I may still feel a bit apprehensive about until I myself am used to it.

My lack of posting on my blog began with a photo shoot that ended in sheer frustration for me, followed by another ... only to be discovered was more camera fault (although I am sure there was a fair amount of photographer error in there too), so I put my camera away, Totally frustrated I was sulking with my camera and decided I needed a bit of space away from it, it was at the same time life started in it's spiral ... so my mojo went walkies too!

Once life started to spiral it just continued like a never ending mega tornado, trapped in the eye while chaos loomed all around with no escape. Following shortly after the first and notably difficult but necessary blow was the sudden collapse and subsequent death of my very dear and close friend, Suzanne, who my previous blog was dedicated too. I was left devastated ... shattered, and grappling to keep the pieces together, trying to do my best to do good by her but failing everyone in the process ... I walked away broken from the whole experience!

Not long there after news came that my Father in Law was not well and the prognosis was not good, and it was not long until the heartbreaking news came my way, he too had gained his wings. In Rachel's words "God sure needs a lot of Angels right now". Maybe Sam and I didn't always see eye to eye, we were both very stubborn personalities, but he was apart of my life for 18years. And another blow to an already fragile soul. Still think about Dad often, and at least my last memories were good ones of a magical holiday showing him our corner of the world. R.I.P. Dad

 

The turmoil didn't just end there, there was the consideration of a precious life, troubled and lost but that road is ongoing and lifelong.

So it was somewhere in the tornado that I just decided I can't do the blog anymore so the "closed" sign was enforced. And I stand by that, this is not an attempt to revive it ...perhaps it should read "this property is condemned" ... LoL .... while cleaning up my hard drive and sorting out some files I gazed through my folder named "blog pics" and saw several that NEVER MADE IT to the blog for what ever reason. Some were because I feel they simply weren't good enough and others, well, I was struggling with "I am grateful for ..." when all I wanted to do was hide under my covers ... but since I have shared so much already why not share the good the bad and the ugly, got nothing to loose!

So here goes ...

Sunrise from Paritutu Rock. I climbed the rock before sunrise and photographed the sun rising from on top of New Plymouth, what a magical sight, and I would do it again in a heartbeat, but maybe not in the heart of winter :-) This is the moment I realised my camera was not playing the game ... damn near could have thrown the thing from the rock!

This next one was me playing around one night, Rachel was having a sleep over for her 8th birthday, so in attempt to keep my sanity in a house full of 7 x 8yr old girls (who only fell asleep at 1am I might add) I gave them glow sticks, whipped out my camera and experimented with making patterns. this was my favourite

next up are just because, taken for a reason at the time but now lack purpose except I think they are nice to look at. Actually I know the story I had planned for each one, the vision as it were.

After a rather lengthy leave of absence from my camera I finally picked it up again, an attempt to reclaim my mojo ... this was the product of my attempt

Still not happy I put it away again, randomly forcing myself to pick it up occasionally. Still I feel I have not hit the mark with it again ... yet.

So now I sit here and the tornado appears to have passed, the skies clear every now and again, and I am beginning to smile again. Sure there is still the wake of devastation left in the path but that needs time. I am starting find inner peace again, I am thinking clearly again ... actually just great to be able to think again.
So the last few months have left me feeling like this:

Let the stormy seas crash all around me, I will stand strong! and will emerge and my beacon will shine, because life has purpose.

And yes life is always going to keep on changing ... that is the only thing that doesn't change ... Remember We cannot change the direction of the Wind, But we can always adjust our sails…

And so there it is, no loose endings, no abrupt closed, the ones that never made it have now made it and this chapter is now closed. As I embark on a new chapter of my life, I am excited and ready for happiness!

So to all far and wide who have been reading and following thank you maybe our paths cross again in a new chapter.

xoxo